At the Starbucks I went to this morning the employees yell across the room at everyone in line to get their order. You must, if you are in line, yell back to them what you want. If you don't, if you just stand there, staring into space, they will yell at you louder. People behind you will yell their order and cut in front of you. Why doesn't he yell his coffee order? He must be a foreign tourist.
After I yelled, "TALL COFFEE!", from five people back, I got to the register. "What would you like?" "Tall coffee." After paying, the cashier took money from the next person. I still had no coffee. "Could I have a tall coffee please?" "Here you go."
I had to order it three times. Even if I had ordered a venti mocha crappachino, I'd also have to say my order three times: 1.yelling across the room 2.paying 3.picking up (or reordering when they forget to make your coffee).
I don't want to yell my order from ten people back. I want to order when I get up to the cashier. Since they don't let you do this, since they force you to act like a loudmouth jerk, I am boycotting this Starbucks store. I will have to try one of the four other Starbucks within a two-block radius of my office. (Four may not be correct; might be six, maybe more.)
Thursday, November 08, 2007
one reason to hate Starbucks
Today, November 8, went in to Starbucks to be assaulted by Christmas-- music, stocking cookies, large billboards, employees wearing Santa hats, and holiday-blend coffee. I wanted a pumpkin scone or pumpkin muffin, but no, only crap with red #40 for you!
Boycotting Starbucks until late January.
Boycotting Starbucks until late January.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Turnip Soup
TURNIP SOUP
Three turnips and their enormous greens
4 cups broth
4 cups water
One onion
Six garlic cloves
One large tomato
Two chiles from "chipotle in adobo", found canned at Latin markets
Salt
Pepper
Fresh herbs
Put broth and water in a large stockpot on high.
Dice onion and chop garlic.
Wash turnips thoroughly.
Dice turnips (1/2 inch dice).
Separate stems and leaves and chop up the stems.
Set leaves aside.
Throw in pot the onion, garlic, turnips, and turnip stems.
When at a boil reduce heat to medium high.
Add some salt.
Let them cook for awhile.
Chop tomato.
Wash and spin dry the turnip greens, and slice the large ones.
Gently wash two chipotles (if you want to), mince them.
Throw into the pot the tomato, chipotles, and turnip greens.
Reduce heat to medium.
Add some salt.
Add some black pepper.
Chop whatever herbs you want and throw them in.
Eat when you think it's ready.
This probably would be better if you pureed it into a thick soup, but I ate it chunky like a stew. It's bitter because of the greens. It's spicy due to the chipotles, and I added some ground red pepper as well. It can be sweet depending on your tomato and turnips. There are sweeter varieties of turnip out there, especially at farmers markets. It's surprisingly filling. It could have used some tomato paste and, of course, bacon.
Update 1: Much better after pureeing. Needs carrots.
Three turnips and their enormous greens
4 cups broth
4 cups water
One onion
Six garlic cloves
One large tomato
Two chiles from "chipotle in adobo", found canned at Latin markets
Salt
Pepper
Fresh herbs
Put broth and water in a large stockpot on high.
Dice onion and chop garlic.
Wash turnips thoroughly.
Dice turnips (1/2 inch dice).
Separate stems and leaves and chop up the stems.
Set leaves aside.
Throw in pot the onion, garlic, turnips, and turnip stems.
When at a boil reduce heat to medium high.
Add some salt.
Let them cook for awhile.
Chop tomato.
Wash and spin dry the turnip greens, and slice the large ones.
Gently wash two chipotles (if you want to), mince them.
Throw into the pot the tomato, chipotles, and turnip greens.
Reduce heat to medium.
Add some salt.
Add some black pepper.
Chop whatever herbs you want and throw them in.
Eat when you think it's ready.
This probably would be better if you pureed it into a thick soup, but I ate it chunky like a stew. It's bitter because of the greens. It's spicy due to the chipotles, and I added some ground red pepper as well. It can be sweet depending on your tomato and turnips. There are sweeter varieties of turnip out there, especially at farmers markets. It's surprisingly filling. It could have used some tomato paste and, of course, bacon.
Update 1: Much better after pureeing. Needs carrots.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Lee Majors
So I have three pairs of eyeglasses. It's a long story. Anyway today I am wearing the pair my wife likes the least, and she said I looked like Lee Majors. I don't think she knows who he is. Of course I took this as a wonderful compliment, and started singing to her the theme song from "The Fall Guy"--
"I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've been seen with Farrah..."
Now at this point I cannot for the life of me remember the rest of the Fall Guy song, but still the tune goes on in my head and mutates into this horribleness... "they've got nuthin' but their jeans, but they've got, diffrent strokes, it takes, diffrent strokes, it takes, diffrent strokes to move the world."
If you are still reading this you are probably now cursed with TWO damnable TV sitcom theme songs in your head.
I watched too much television as a kid, obviously.
"I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've been seen with Farrah..."
Now at this point I cannot for the life of me remember the rest of the Fall Guy song, but still the tune goes on in my head and mutates into this horribleness... "they've got nuthin' but their jeans, but they've got, diffrent strokes, it takes, diffrent strokes, it takes, diffrent strokes to move the world."
If you are still reading this you are probably now cursed with TWO damnable TV sitcom theme songs in your head.
I watched too much television as a kid, obviously.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Save us from Elgar!
Good news! Homeland Security is successfully defending the US of A from slightly brown-skinned foreigners. This Welsh-woman's work visa was revoked, obviously, because she is a musicologist expert in Elgar. Elgar people! Her book, "India in the English Musical Imagination, 1890-1940," probably had instructions on how to make bombs out of English Horns and curry!
New York Times article
Never trust a music professor.
New York Times article
Never trust a music professor.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Goodbye Polar Bears
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2007/sep/04/climatechange
"Loss of Arctic ice leaves experts stunned"
It's actually going to be difficult for the sea ice to remelt this winter, so warm it has been. Those polar bears better reverse evolve back into the grizzlies they once were or mutate into bear-whales very quickly. Very sad.
Bear-whales. That'd be cool.
"Loss of Arctic ice leaves experts stunned"
It's actually going to be difficult for the sea ice to remelt this winter, so warm it has been. Those polar bears better reverse evolve back into the grizzlies they once were or mutate into bear-whales very quickly. Very sad.
Bear-whales. That'd be cool.
Friday, August 10, 2007
"weird ukrainian salad"
Made a salad last night out of ingredients on hand, which the wife called "weird Ukrainian salad."
One very large fennel bulb, sliced thinly, cut into bite size
Two ripe tomatoes, chopped
Large bunch of purple basil, chopped
One large clove garlic, minced
One jalapeno, minced
handful of cashews, roasted in dry cast-iron skillet
handful of date pieces
rice vinegar and salt to taste
It's not Ukrainian, but the style is all over the map. Very refreshing summer salad. Could have used a bit of yogurt, maybe, to make it creamy like slaw. Shredded carrots would have been nice. Didn't add any oil but could have.
One very large fennel bulb, sliced thinly, cut into bite size
Two ripe tomatoes, chopped
Large bunch of purple basil, chopped
One large clove garlic, minced
One jalapeno, minced
handful of cashews, roasted in dry cast-iron skillet
handful of date pieces
rice vinegar and salt to taste
It's not Ukrainian, but the style is all over the map. Very refreshing summer salad. Could have used a bit of yogurt, maybe, to make it creamy like slaw. Shredded carrots would have been nice. Didn't add any oil but could have.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Tater-Tot Hot Dish
Growing up in South Dakota, a staple of church suppers and potlucks was the tater-tot hot dish. Meaty, potato-y, mushroomy, and satisfying. My friend R. also enjoyed this casserole when growing up in North Dakota. R. and I got to talking about the various foods mixed in with this dish, and how to prepare it correctly (essentials: ground beef, tater tots, cream of mushroom soup), and I casually mentioned that I could probably gourmet it up a bit. Oooh! Sacrilege! But now R. is back in town, and has challenged me to do it, and bring it to a dinner party tonight.
A little background-- I once went up against a bevy of North Dakotans, including R., in a lefse-making contest. If you want to know who won you could probably ask any North Dakotan because I'm sure this tale of Shame-- losing to a South Dakotan!-- spread throughout the state.
So I made it this afternoon, and in genuine casserole fashion all it needs is to be heated up in the oven before eating. However I am worried about it. It's not exactly what I planned to make, and I'm not sure people will like it. People like beef and tater-tots. Will they like goat, wild mushrooms, and a tater-tot hot dish that omits tater-tots? It sounds icky to me even typing it.
ORIGINAL BASIC RECIPE, Tater-Tot Hot Dish--
Went to the farmers market and got organic, hand-dug potatoes and onions, local cheddar, local wild mushrooms.
Shredded potatoes. Cooked them in a large pan with olive oil on medium for a long time until brown, then flipped the whole mess and cooked the other side for a bit. Added a pinch of salt. Basically, I made hash browns.
Browned one pound of ground goat meat on medium in a cast iron skillet with a little olive oil. I thought it was buffalo but it was goat. Got it at the farmers market a couple weeks ago (frozen) and I thought it was bison. Oh well. Next time I'll use bison, because it's the Dakotan thing to do. Goat is weird.
When the goat started to brown I added a diced onion. Also added one chopped up buffalo/pork/fennel sausage, hoping to mask the goat taste, and cooked all that. Added half a pound of wild Virginia mushrooms. Added a handful of frozen peas, so at least we can pretend it's healthy now. (I remember some versions of this casserole added broccoli, probably for the same reason, to enable you to say it has veggies in it so it must be good for you.) Cooked them a bit. Added minced fresh sage and thyme from the garden, salt, pepper, splash of white wine, and at the end, a quarter cup (or was it a half cup?) of whole cream.
Poured all that into a casserole dish and arranged the hash browns on top. Stuck under the broiler for two minutes because I wanted the taters browner.
Took it out, added half a pound of shredded aged cheddar to the top. I will warm this up in the oven later tonight. It looks like a normal casserole, but... I'll update later on what people said about it.
UPDATE AFTER THE DINNER
It didn't get rave reviews, however it was the first food item to be eaten up completely.
Most people were disgusted when I told them it was goat. Yet it made them think because they knew they enjoyed it. Happy confusion was the reaction from most people. "I really liked it but you're lying about the goat, right?"
Did I mention it was the first dish finished? So it was the most popular dish until I told people it was goat, after it was devoured and gone. Then there was a short period where they were disturbed, followed by acceptance, resolution, admitting they liked goat, etc. It was like a 12-step program for the goat-averse.
Definitely bison next time.
A little background-- I once went up against a bevy of North Dakotans, including R., in a lefse-making contest. If you want to know who won you could probably ask any North Dakotan because I'm sure this tale of Shame-- losing to a South Dakotan!-- spread throughout the state.
So I made it this afternoon, and in genuine casserole fashion all it needs is to be heated up in the oven before eating. However I am worried about it. It's not exactly what I planned to make, and I'm not sure people will like it. People like beef and tater-tots. Will they like goat, wild mushrooms, and a tater-tot hot dish that omits tater-tots? It sounds icky to me even typing it.
ORIGINAL BASIC RECIPE, Tater-Tot Hot Dish--
1 can cream of mushroom soupWHAT I DID TODAY
1 bag tater tots
shredded cheese
1 lb of ground hamburger meat
serves: 6 or 7
Brown hamburger meat. Add cream of mushroom soup and stir together
continuously.
Let simmer on low heat for 15 minutes.
Place mixture in the bottom of a casserole dish. Lay tater tots neatly on
top of the mixture.
Place in oven on 350' and let the tater tots brown.
Sprinkle with cheese; melt it in the oven and ENJOY.
Went to the farmers market and got organic, hand-dug potatoes and onions, local cheddar, local wild mushrooms.
Shredded potatoes. Cooked them in a large pan with olive oil on medium for a long time until brown, then flipped the whole mess and cooked the other side for a bit. Added a pinch of salt. Basically, I made hash browns.
Browned one pound of ground goat meat on medium in a cast iron skillet with a little olive oil. I thought it was buffalo but it was goat. Got it at the farmers market a couple weeks ago (frozen) and I thought it was bison. Oh well. Next time I'll use bison, because it's the Dakotan thing to do. Goat is weird.
When the goat started to brown I added a diced onion. Also added one chopped up buffalo/pork/fennel sausage, hoping to mask the goat taste, and cooked all that. Added half a pound of wild Virginia mushrooms. Added a handful of frozen peas, so at least we can pretend it's healthy now. (I remember some versions of this casserole added broccoli, probably for the same reason, to enable you to say it has veggies in it so it must be good for you.) Cooked them a bit. Added minced fresh sage and thyme from the garden, salt, pepper, splash of white wine, and at the end, a quarter cup (or was it a half cup?) of whole cream.
Poured all that into a casserole dish and arranged the hash browns on top. Stuck under the broiler for two minutes because I wanted the taters browner.
Took it out, added half a pound of shredded aged cheddar to the top. I will warm this up in the oven later tonight. It looks like a normal casserole, but... I'll update later on what people said about it.
UPDATE AFTER THE DINNER
It didn't get rave reviews, however it was the first food item to be eaten up completely.
Most people were disgusted when I told them it was goat. Yet it made them think because they knew they enjoyed it. Happy confusion was the reaction from most people. "I really liked it but you're lying about the goat, right?"
Did I mention it was the first dish finished? So it was the most popular dish until I told people it was goat, after it was devoured and gone. Then there was a short period where they were disturbed, followed by acceptance, resolution, admitting they liked goat, etc. It was like a 12-step program for the goat-averse.
Definitely bison next time.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
bridge collapse
Current subject of the Media Circus is the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. Horrible tragedy, yes. A sign of things to come, maybe.
In what condition was this bridge?
Until another bridge collapses.
UPDATE 8-3: Heard Whitehouse spokesman Tony Snow say this bridge was rated 50 out of 120. Then I read in the Washington Post this bridge was rated 50 out of 100. Whatever; it fell down. Perhaps 50 a bad enough rating to close it before it falls down.
In what condition was this bridge?
"In 2005, engineers rated the I-35 bridge in Minnesota as 'structurallyWhat does that mean, "structurally deficient?"
deficient' and possibly in need of replacement." -- NPR
"Most bridges that are structurally deficient are not in danger of falling down, but they are likely to be load-posted so that heavier trucks will be required to take an alternative, longer route." -- USDOT Federal Highway AdministrationHow many bridges fall in this category? About 24.5% nationwide. And in DC? As of 2006 DC had 214 bridges, 88 of which were "structurally deficient," or 41%. (Better Roads) Eighty-eight bridges in DC rated the same as the Minneapolis bridge. I sincerely hope that the Department of Transportation will find money to fix these deficient DC bridges.
Those bridges appearing on the list with a sufficiency rating of less than 50.0 will be eligible for replacement or rehabilitation while those with a sufficiency rating of 80.0 or less will be eligible for rehabilitation. -- USDOTI don't know what this means. The chance that a bridge inspector will comment on this site are nil. For now I am going to turn off the TV and pretend this problem doesn't exist. America will join me in denial as soon as the media moves back to covering celebrity hijinx.
Until another bridge collapses.
UPDATE 8-3: Heard Whitehouse spokesman Tony Snow say this bridge was rated 50 out of 120. Then I read in the Washington Post this bridge was rated 50 out of 100. Whatever; it fell down. Perhaps 50 a bad enough rating to close it before it falls down.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
no confidence in NASA
Space Shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to land this afternoon. Three potential re-entry problems exist, and combined they may lead one to the conclusion that the shuttle is falling apart:
- Unidentified debris was floating around the shuttle and space station. Could be a piece of the shuttle. Or ice.
- On liftoff a section of protective thermal blanket peeled back.
- "Gap filler" is sticking out of a wing.
Before signing off on the landing, mission managers held an unusual, last-minute meeting to clear up three remaining technical issues. Material known as gap filler appeared to be sticking out of a wing, a thermal blanket had peeled back during the June 8 launch and debris was found floating after Atlantis undocked from the international space station on Tuesday.Engineers had wanted to make sure the gap filler could withstand the heat and aerodynamics of re-entry and recheck data on the thermal blanket. Mission managers have said the debris may have been ice.
"We were just trying to be completely thorough," said mission management team chairman John Shannon. "The engineering and safety teams believe there is no risk at all during re-entry."
Now this is what bugs me. "No risk at all during re-entry." On the contrary, bringing a space shuttle back to Earth is one of the riskiest jobs there is. Those tiles on the shuttle protect it from temperatures in excess of 2500 degrees F. To say there is no risk is laughable and irresponsible. Of course, does CNN call him on his b.s.? Can CNN even be called a news organization anymore? These are questions for other blogs.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Dear Reader, you are a loser
Attention readers living in the DC area. According to my wife if you were not one of the 60-odd attendees of The Veils tonight at DC9, you are a loser. (Arion) Very sorry if you weren't there. The concert was great. And only ten bucks. The concert rocked. Way too short but still rocked most awesomely. Have you ever read a more descriptive and informative concert review?
Apparently there are a bunch of videos of the Veils on YouTube and MySpace (and they have a website), but of course I never go to those places so I wouldn't know. I prefer to hang out with Buns and Chou Chou.
Apparently there are a bunch of videos of the Veils on YouTube and MySpace (and they have a website), but of course I never go to those places so I wouldn't know. I prefer to hang out with Buns and Chou Chou.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Spring Orioles, dancing jays
Washington, DC, gets orioles this time of year. Saw an Orchard Oriole yesterday, 4/30, at the FDR Memorial, and today, 5/1, a Baltimore Oriole at the WWII Memorial. Good May Day. The Blue-headed Vireos were pretty cool too.
I watched a pair of Blue Jays at very close range, as one (the male?) did a song and dance for the other (female?). He moved from side to side, showing off each flank, in a rhythm of sorts, while he or maybe she, made these quiet honk-whistle sounds and clicking. He also jumped around a lot to give her a good view of all of him, doing this side-to-side dance from different perches. It reminded me of those birds of paradise recently featured on the BBC/Discovery series "Planet Earth". I didn't realize blue jays could dance.
I watched a pair of Blue Jays at very close range, as one (the male?) did a song and dance for the other (female?). He moved from side to side, showing off each flank, in a rhythm of sorts, while he or maybe she, made these quiet honk-whistle sounds and clicking. He also jumped around a lot to give her a good view of all of him, doing this side-to-side dance from different perches. It reminded me of those birds of paradise recently featured on the BBC/Discovery series "Planet Earth". I didn't realize blue jays could dance.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
run with guns?
From Special Guest Blogger, Jennifer
So, today, I ran five miles for the first time in forever (training for a 10k). I'd reached around 3.5 miles on the bike trail near my house, when I noticed three men running with what I took to be sticks. They were rapidly coming up behind me.
I was in one of those running trances, cranking my iPod on some Cars tunes, and my first thought was, "Damn, I'm gonna have to move because there are three of them." But then I noticed the machine guns they were running with, and I kind of stopped, and started to think of getting the heck out of there and ducking and covering myself. The guys were moving, the guns were pointed at the sky, and they seemed to be in formation but not in uniforms of any kind.
Then a cop car drove up behind them, and they had a conversation. The policeman then drove off. The three men continued running and eventually passed me, guns ‹ which may or may not have been plastic replicas, I really have no idea, ‹ pointed skyward, turning on a busy road that goes into downtown Vienna, VA. I wanted to ask them what the heck they were doing, but you know...it's never a good idea to bug people with guns.
So what the heck was that? And no matter what it was...ROTC drill, police training...isn't there something severely messed up that they'd LET THEM DO THAT TWO DAYS AFTER A MAD GUNMAN KILLED 32 PEOPLE IN THE SAME STATE?
I'm just aghast.
Jennifer
Friday, April 13, 2007
blog-o-meal #2
4/13/2007
Thirty-two course dinner.
Some of what I remember...
"Americano" -- frothy seltzer version of the Campari drink.
Tumbleweed of beet -- fried ball of beet amazingness.
Apple crisps -- w/ saffron & fennel pollen.
Cotton candy foie gras! -- yes, rly.
"Bagels & Lox" -- no, not rly. Middle-eastern dough, salmon eggs, cream cheese+...
Conch fritter -- oh, yeah.
Olive oil bonbon -- jewel of olive oil that bursts in your mouth.
Ferran Adria "olives" -- I really can't explain this. If you put one in a glass with chilled vodka you could sell the drink for $20 a pop. Trust me.
Deconstructed glass of white wine-- eleven ingredients laid out in an aspic that are the flavors people find in white wine, sprayed with a fine mist of white wine.
Zucchini in textures -- roasted pureed zucchini with zucchini seeds on top in a gelatin kind of thing.
Feta "linguine" -- pasta made with feta whey, with feta and tomato marmalade.
63 degree C quail egg with osetra caviar and passionfruit.
JOE! We had sea urchin ceviche with passionfruit foam.
"Guacamole" -- tomato sorbet in a tube of avocado topped with tomato, cilantro, and FRITOS.
New New England Clam Chowder -- clams, potato puree, clam foam!, chive oil, fried potato minicubes.
Japanese baby peaches with Greek yogurt.
Mysterious Thai dessert that is simultaneously sweet, salty, sour, spicy, and peanuty.
Big ball of fluff that explodes in green tea flavor.
The check-- it comes in an eggshell that the host pounds on the table for you, leaving a pile of eggshell crumbs (and the check); and yes, the amount was close to the GDP of some 3rd world countries.
Thirty-two course dinner.
Some of what I remember...
"Americano" -- frothy seltzer version of the Campari drink.
Tumbleweed of beet -- fried ball of beet amazingness.
Apple crisps -- w/ saffron & fennel pollen.
Cotton candy foie gras! -- yes, rly.
"Bagels & Lox" -- no, not rly. Middle-eastern dough, salmon eggs, cream cheese+...
Conch fritter -- oh, yeah.
Olive oil bonbon -- jewel of olive oil that bursts in your mouth.
Ferran Adria "olives" -- I really can't explain this. If you put one in a glass with chilled vodka you could sell the drink for $20 a pop. Trust me.
Deconstructed glass of white wine-- eleven ingredients laid out in an aspic that are the flavors people find in white wine, sprayed with a fine mist of white wine.
Zucchini in textures -- roasted pureed zucchini with zucchini seeds on top in a gelatin kind of thing.
Feta "linguine" -- pasta made with feta whey, with feta and tomato marmalade.
63 degree C quail egg with osetra caviar and passionfruit.
JOE! We had sea urchin ceviche with passionfruit foam.
"Guacamole" -- tomato sorbet in a tube of avocado topped with tomato, cilantro, and FRITOS.
New New England Clam Chowder -- clams, potato puree, clam foam!, chive oil, fried potato minicubes.
Japanese baby peaches with Greek yogurt.
Mysterious Thai dessert that is simultaneously sweet, salty, sour, spicy, and peanuty.
Big ball of fluff that explodes in green tea flavor.
The check-- it comes in an eggshell that the host pounds on the table for you, leaving a pile of eggshell crumbs (and the check); and yes, the amount was close to the GDP of some 3rd world countries.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Oyamel
Just got home from a wonderful dinner at Oyamel. It's a nouveau-Mexican restaurant in DC. Great stuff. They take traditional Mexican food and elaborate beautifully. I don't know of a Mexican restaurant that emphasizes traditional food so fundamentally. Corn fungus, for example. Good stuff. Oyster ceviche. Oh yeah. Chiles and chocolate. Yay! But grasshoppers?
When I got home I flossed a 'hopper leg out of my teeth.
It was better the first time I tasted it.
When I got home I flossed a 'hopper leg out of my teeth.
It was better the first time I tasted it.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
TJs Onion Pizza
One glob of Trader Joe's Whole Wheat Pizza dough.
One hunk (half a pound?) of aged Gruyere cheese. The more aged the better. The cheese _makes_ this dish so the older and more expensive the better.
Two medium yellow onions, chopped.
One small purple onion, chopped (or half a large purple, or more yellow, white, whatever, the point is that we have enough onions, and "enough" is subjective). A combination of sweet and sharp onions is the best kind of combination.
Three to six cloves garlic, minced.
Some olive oil, I don't know how much, I'm sure you have some. Shut up, it's good for you.
Salt.
Black pepper.
Flour. A handful.
A pizza stone. A frackin' big one.
An oven.
Heat oven with pizza stone at bottom rack at 500 degrees.
Mince garlic. Throw garlic in a small bowl. Add a tablespoon or two of olive oil. Add a teaspoon of salt and a dash or more of freshly ground black pepper. If you want, throw in some hot ground red pepper. Some people call it cayenne but ground Indian red pepper tastes the same to me. A dash of paprika is nice. Doesn't add heat but it adds smoky Spanish character. Which is exactly what you want when you are making this Swiss-Italian pie. Let it sit at room temp and forget about it for now.
Heat a large thick-bottomed pan that has a matching lid at medium heat. NO HOTTER THAN MEDIUM. Medium-low is better. This is a long process. Toss some olive oil in that hot pan, about two tablespoons. Let it heat up. This is medium to medium-low heat by the way. Don't want that oil too hot. When you feel it's ready, or when the olive oil is smokin' (too late) add ALL THE ONIONS. When you think it's hot enough (onions sweating) cover that pan and reduce the heat to very low. Very Low. Cover and don't disturb. Shhh... the onions are sleeping. Really really low heat. Shhh... If they are taking their time in getting hot enough in order to move onto the next step of cooking at low heat, please move onto the other steps. The trick of this particular recipe is to get the onions/oil at medium, then reduce the heat to really really low with the lid on for a long time. Start this step, move on to other steps, then come back to the onions as needed.
Get a large cutting board. Take a handful of flour and throw it as evenly as you can on the cutting board. Open up that Trader Joes dough. Smells nice, right? Wash your hands. Remove your wedding ring. You are about to get up close and personal with this dough. Take the dough in your hands and fold it a couple times. Fun, right? Like kindergarten playdough. Now, throw that frackin' beast on the cutting board and pound it with your fist. Pound it like that sibling you never had but thought you did yet it was just your imagination that Damian was your brother and it was your duty to save the world by pounding the living hell out of his head. Pound for several seconds. Let this demon rest.
No matter what happens after this, check those onions every 10-15 minutes or so. You don't want to open the lid too much. But if those onions are browning too quickly this pizza is going to suck. You want a very slow browning that takes from 45 minutes to one hour. Stirring a little when necessary. If the onions get too liquidy after 45 minutes you should remove the lid to let some of the water evaporate out of there. You want, in a perfect world, at the end, a bunch of onions, slowly browned and caramelized, with not too much liquid which will soggify the pizza. It is quite possible the onions will be done before the dough/crust, or not.
So... the pizza stone is getting hot. The onions are working their way towards carmelization. The garlic/oil infusion is infusing away...
I forgot about the dough! Take that ball of dough in your hand, which you beat into a pulp before letting it rest (very smart of you to let it rest) and grab it by one edge and let gravity pull the rest of it down, but only for a second because you are moving that dough in your hands clockwise or counterclockwise I don't care letting gravity pull that sucker down and down, thinner and thinner, every once and awhile dropping it on that cutting board and POUNDING it just to show it who is boss. Start by pressing at the center and moving outwards, making that dough ever slimmer, but also respecting that dough, knowing that it doesn't want to be thin, its favorite place is one big blob, but you have to show it who is boss, by slamming it down on the counter and pounding it, then picking it up and coaxing it into a nice thin disk-- you have to simultaneously love it and hate it-- love it by coercing it into a nice thin round shape, but hating it by throwing it down and pounding the center of it.
With practice this becomes obvious. Just remember when the dough is especially springy and unresponsive to your pounding, let it rest, and try again in ten minutes.
Reduce heat of the oven to 450 degrees.
Get the dough into a disk shape, roughly, doesn't matter if it's not a circle because this will taste so good, about 12-14 inches. Let that disk rest for a few minutes so it will accept the ingredients we are about to put on it. Toss a bit of corn meal on a pizza paddle (OH! did I forget to mention the pizza paddle!? And the corn meal?) and carefully put your pizza dough on the paddle. Quickly rearrange your pizza dough to the shape you originally wanted, or close to it. Take the garlic/olive oil mixture that you've forgotten about, and spread it all over the dough, with a brush or spoon. Shake the pizza paddle to make sure the pizza is not stuck to the paddle. Then, as best you can, slide it onto the pizza stone, back to front.
Cook for a good five minutes and then get that thing outa there.
Puncture the resulting pizza pimples with a fork and hope no one notices.
Cover the pizza with onions. Take that aged Gruyere cheese and shred it all over that pizza.
Put the pizza back in the oven for another five minutes. Or more if you like it that way.
Drink, eat, and be merry.
One hunk (half a pound?) of aged Gruyere cheese. The more aged the better. The cheese _makes_ this dish so the older and more expensive the better.
Two medium yellow onions, chopped.
One small purple onion, chopped (or half a large purple, or more yellow, white, whatever, the point is that we have enough onions, and "enough" is subjective). A combination of sweet and sharp onions is the best kind of combination.
Three to six cloves garlic, minced.
Some olive oil, I don't know how much, I'm sure you have some. Shut up, it's good for you.
Salt.
Black pepper.
Flour. A handful.
A pizza stone. A frackin' big one.
An oven.
Heat oven with pizza stone at bottom rack at 500 degrees.
Mince garlic. Throw garlic in a small bowl. Add a tablespoon or two of olive oil. Add a teaspoon of salt and a dash or more of freshly ground black pepper. If you want, throw in some hot ground red pepper. Some people call it cayenne but ground Indian red pepper tastes the same to me. A dash of paprika is nice. Doesn't add heat but it adds smoky Spanish character. Which is exactly what you want when you are making this Swiss-Italian pie. Let it sit at room temp and forget about it for now.
Heat a large thick-bottomed pan that has a matching lid at medium heat. NO HOTTER THAN MEDIUM. Medium-low is better. This is a long process. Toss some olive oil in that hot pan, about two tablespoons. Let it heat up. This is medium to medium-low heat by the way. Don't want that oil too hot. When you feel it's ready, or when the olive oil is smokin' (too late) add ALL THE ONIONS. When you think it's hot enough (onions sweating) cover that pan and reduce the heat to very low. Very Low. Cover and don't disturb. Shhh... the onions are sleeping. Really really low heat. Shhh... If they are taking their time in getting hot enough in order to move onto the next step of cooking at low heat, please move onto the other steps. The trick of this particular recipe is to get the onions/oil at medium, then reduce the heat to really really low with the lid on for a long time. Start this step, move on to other steps, then come back to the onions as needed.
Get a large cutting board. Take a handful of flour and throw it as evenly as you can on the cutting board. Open up that Trader Joes dough. Smells nice, right? Wash your hands. Remove your wedding ring. You are about to get up close and personal with this dough. Take the dough in your hands and fold it a couple times. Fun, right? Like kindergarten playdough. Now, throw that frackin' beast on the cutting board and pound it with your fist. Pound it like that sibling you never had but thought you did yet it was just your imagination that Damian was your brother and it was your duty to save the world by pounding the living hell out of his head. Pound for several seconds. Let this demon rest.
No matter what happens after this, check those onions every 10-15 minutes or so. You don't want to open the lid too much. But if those onions are browning too quickly this pizza is going to suck. You want a very slow browning that takes from 45 minutes to one hour. Stirring a little when necessary. If the onions get too liquidy after 45 minutes you should remove the lid to let some of the water evaporate out of there. You want, in a perfect world, at the end, a bunch of onions, slowly browned and caramelized, with not too much liquid which will soggify the pizza. It is quite possible the onions will be done before the dough/crust, or not.
So... the pizza stone is getting hot. The onions are working their way towards carmelization. The garlic/oil infusion is infusing away...
I forgot about the dough! Take that ball of dough in your hand, which you beat into a pulp before letting it rest (very smart of you to let it rest) and grab it by one edge and let gravity pull the rest of it down, but only for a second because you are moving that dough in your hands clockwise or counterclockwise I don't care letting gravity pull that sucker down and down, thinner and thinner, every once and awhile dropping it on that cutting board and POUNDING it just to show it who is boss. Start by pressing at the center and moving outwards, making that dough ever slimmer, but also respecting that dough, knowing that it doesn't want to be thin, its favorite place is one big blob, but you have to show it who is boss, by slamming it down on the counter and pounding it, then picking it up and coaxing it into a nice thin disk-- you have to simultaneously love it and hate it-- love it by coercing it into a nice thin round shape, but hating it by throwing it down and pounding the center of it.
With practice this becomes obvious. Just remember when the dough is especially springy and unresponsive to your pounding, let it rest, and try again in ten minutes.
Reduce heat of the oven to 450 degrees.
Get the dough into a disk shape, roughly, doesn't matter if it's not a circle because this will taste so good, about 12-14 inches. Let that disk rest for a few minutes so it will accept the ingredients we are about to put on it. Toss a bit of corn meal on a pizza paddle (OH! did I forget to mention the pizza paddle!? And the corn meal?) and carefully put your pizza dough on the paddle. Quickly rearrange your pizza dough to the shape you originally wanted, or close to it. Take the garlic/olive oil mixture that you've forgotten about, and spread it all over the dough, with a brush or spoon. Shake the pizza paddle to make sure the pizza is not stuck to the paddle. Then, as best you can, slide it onto the pizza stone, back to front.
Cook for a good five minutes and then get that thing outa there.
Puncture the resulting pizza pimples with a fork and hope no one notices.
Cover the pizza with onions. Take that aged Gruyere cheese and shred it all over that pizza.
Put the pizza back in the oven for another five minutes. Or more if you like it that way.
Drink, eat, and be merry.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Farrier, not Furrier!
Last evening my wife mentioned our horse was not well. The old paint had taken to laying on the ground instead of standing, and at other times was stationery. I excepted that the horse may need new shoes, and she agreed that new horseshoes have been eminent for some time. Than she asks, "Will you take him to the furrier tomorrow?"
I was shocked. That she would want to have the pour beast slaughtered in order to harvest it's hide for a rug or blanket-- well this idea had a profound affect on my disposition. But for a moment. I realized, of coarse, she meant "farrier," not "furrier!"
Not wishing to correct her (a man must choose his fights carefully specially with his wife), and irregardless of my own pride, I gave my ascent. "Yes, darling, tomorrow, I will take him to the furrier, whom will craft excellent shoes for him."
I was shocked. That she would want to have the pour beast slaughtered in order to harvest it's hide for a rug or blanket-- well this idea had a profound affect on my disposition. But for a moment. I realized, of coarse, she meant "farrier," not "furrier!"
Not wishing to correct her (a man must choose his fights carefully specially with his wife), and irregardless of my own pride, I gave my ascent. "Yes, darling, tomorrow, I will take him to the furrier, whom will craft excellent shoes for him."
Friday, January 19, 2007
Mortensen moments
Mortensen moment #1
On the Metro, I'm seated doing Sudoku. The young red-haired girl sitting next to me cranks up her iPod. I hear "Aye! Aye! Aye!..." then a vibraslap. Could it be? Wait for the guitar... YES! "Crazy Train!" I consider writing OZZY on my knuckles and giving her the devil/rock sign, but instead I do nothing.
Mortensen moment #2
On the sidewalk in front of my office, a pair of blue suede high heeled shoes, artfully arranged just so.
On the Metro, I'm seated doing Sudoku. The young red-haired girl sitting next to me cranks up her iPod. I hear "Aye! Aye! Aye!..." then a vibraslap. Could it be? Wait for the guitar... YES! "Crazy Train!" I consider writing OZZY on my knuckles and giving her the devil/rock sign, but instead I do nothing.
Mortensen moment #2
On the sidewalk in front of my office, a pair of blue suede high heeled shoes, artfully arranged just so.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
SecureCode and customer service
Yesterday I attempted an online purchase from a company in Hong Kong. According to the website to pay with Mastercard I needed to have my card signed up for "Mastercard SecureCode". Googling it, I got this:
Ten minutes later I am talking with a rep from MasterCard, who says "Your secure code is that three digit number on the back of your card." I say "No, SecureCode is a program described on your website. Please google it, one word, SecureCode". She says, "Just a sec, let me talk to my supervisor." Tick tick tick. She says, "I don't know what are talking about, your secure code is on the back of your card." I say no that's not it-- it's a program to make your card theoretically more secure by using a third party verification system. "You're gonna have to talk to the merchant." Then they pretty much hung up on me.
I signed up for SecureCode anyway, which makes me very nervous; I am going to have to check my online statement daily. The name "SecureCode" has been used in phishing scams. And my online purchase never worked using my MasterCard. I ended up using PayPal, which worked immediately.
MasterCard SecureCode is a simple and secure way to pay at thousands of online stores. A private code known only to you and your bank, your SecureCode enhances your existing MasterCard account by protecting you against unauthorized use of your card when shopping online at participating online retailers.Because the overseas site did not tell me how to do this, and didn't link anywhere, it didn't look like phishing. It looked legitimate but I wanted to be sure, so I called my CC company, CapitalOne. While waiting for a real person (press 5 a lot) I did more searching. CapitalOne actually has information about SecureCode on their website. As does MasterCard. So it's looking okay. When I reach a real person at CapitalOne, they have no idea what SecureCode is. They put me on hold and talk to their supervisor. Minutes later, they say they don't know what it is, and will transfer me to MasterCard. After my call is dropped, I do this whole thing again.
Ten minutes later I am talking with a rep from MasterCard, who says "Your secure code is that three digit number on the back of your card." I say "No, SecureCode is a program described on your website. Please google it, one word, SecureCode". She says, "Just a sec, let me talk to my supervisor." Tick tick tick. She says, "I don't know what are talking about, your secure code is on the back of your card." I say no that's not it-- it's a program to make your card theoretically more secure by using a third party verification system. "You're gonna have to talk to the merchant." Then they pretty much hung up on me.
I signed up for SecureCode anyway, which makes me very nervous; I am going to have to check my online statement daily. The name "SecureCode" has been used in phishing scams. And my online purchase never worked using my MasterCard. I ended up using PayPal, which worked immediately.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Who lent me Elvis?
Last week I traded in my iPod that I had received for Christmas and bought a 500Gig hard drive instead. I figured I needed a big hard disk to store my music before I ever could put what I wanted on an iPod. So I am spending the next several weeks shackled to the computer loading and unloading CDs. Whee!
Among the piles of CDs all over the house (which is another reason to put all the music on disk) I found a DVD of Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint. WHO DID I BORROW THIS FROM?!
Please, if you are missing DVD of Elvis and Allen, let me know.
Among the piles of CDs all over the house (which is another reason to put all the music on disk) I found a DVD of Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint. WHO DID I BORROW THIS FROM?!
Please, if you are missing DVD of Elvis and Allen, let me know.
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